A Beauty & the Beast Joke
by Laura Graves
Q: How many tunnel residents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them....because.....after all: "We're all a part of one another... Sometimes we forget that." ~Father
REASONS (EXCUSES) THEY ALL GAVE FOR BEING THERE:
FATHER -- He's there to supervise everything, of course. And in case there's a need for a decision by the Council.......
VINCENT -- Claims he's there to restrain Mouse from using his new "gizmo" but actually he's there to argue against changing the light bulb because, after all, everyone knows Catherine looks even more lovely by candlelight and it is sooooo romantic. All the while he's thinking
"Great place to steal a kiss."
CATHERINE -- She's supposedly here in her new capacity as helper but actually she's hoping for a glimpse of biceps or pecs if Vincent is the one who actually changes the light bulb. Maybe she'll get really lucky and it will be a very high one so she can offer to let Vincent lift her up to change it. But, she figures, at the very least, she can stand behind him and enjoy the view of his gorgeous derriere and hopefully he'll be distracted enough not to notice what she's feeling.
*Note: For those of you who aren't familiar with French, derriere is French for that place upon which we all sit. I always thought it was a much more elegant and dignified term and Catherine is definitely elegant.... :-)
CATHERINE: Vincent! I'll hold your cloak for you! (thinking): Got to get the curtains off the view!
JAMIE -- Offers to shoot it out with her crossbow.
MOUSE -- has a new "gizmo" to change the light bulb. "Better than good, Better than best."
FATHER: (thinking) What is it that Catherine is so absorbed in looking at.......OH, My goodness! Vincent! Perhaps you should put your cloak back on.... a bit drafty here, don't you think??
MARY --Says she's there to keep an eye on the children but she loves the way it makes her heart flutter when Father gives commands in an authoritative voice. Hoping maybe in the crowd she can get close enough to brush up against him.
PASCAL -- Is there to observe and plans to leave quickly with the excuse that he has to report on the pipes that the light bulb has been changed.
Catherine: (thinking) Hey, this is that spot we stopped at when Vincent took me home last week....where he almost kissed me. If Mouse hadn't come along just then......... I wonder.... (looks at Vincent suspiciously)
WILLIAM -- There to pass out food and see that everyone is fed while the light bulb is being changed.
REBECCA -- Can't understand why they want to replace the light bulb anyway - candles are better - will support Vincent in his bid to leave it burned out.
VINCENT: (thinking) I almost got caught three times trying to switch this light bulb for an old, burned out one and now they're going to change it! I still didn't get a chance to get Catherine here alone. Next time I'll make sure I send Mouse on an errand to the farthest tunnels!!!
MICHAEL -- Is here to read a poem about changing the light bulb.
BROOKE -- There to listen to Michael read the poem and sigh.......
FATHER: (thinking) Maybe if I just slip over in front of Catherine, Vincent won't notice that she's staring at his....ahem.... Who is that who keeps pressing against me? Ahhhh, Mary, there you are!
SAMANTHA -- There to make sure Kipper and Geoffrey know that a girl can change a light bulb without any help.
KIPPER -- Lurking around the edges trying to avoid getting drafted to change the light bulb. Thinking maybe if he played Samantha a game of chess here it would be dark enough that he might be able to beat her.
FATHER: (thinking, and looking at Mary in the candlelight) Perhaps we shouldn't replace this light bulb after all. Mary, perhaps you would join me in my study for a cup of tea. I have some etchings......
ERIC -- There to tell all he's learned about how a light bulb works.
CHILDREN -- Clamoring to have Vincent tell them a story about changing the light bulb.
VINCENT: (eyes widening in surprise) Catherine!! I think perhaps it is time I took you home.....
KANIN -- Wants to widen the tunnel so there will be enough room for everybody to see the light bulb changed.
OLIVIA -- Here to be with Kanin since he's only been back a short while. Actually, she'd rather be in their new chambers working on getting Luke a little brother or sister. Definitely will support Vincent in not changing the light bulb....she prefers candlelight.
CATHERINE: Oops! (thinking) Caught with my hand in the cookie jar - actually it was my mind that was in the cookie jar. (heavy sigh) It would be so wonderful to get my hand ON the cookie jar!!!
CULLEN -- Thinking about doing a wood carving of the scene of the light bulb being changed.
ARTHUR -- scrounging for crumbs dropped from the food William is passing out.
CATHERINE: (Notices the knowing smile in Vincent's eyes, thinks) Hmmm....a nice, quiet walk home by ourselves is definitely in order here. Maybe..... (Mona Lisa smile at Vincent)
LAURA -- Wants to be sure light bulb is changed since in the dark sign language is impossible to see....On the other hand, being young and in love she's also thinking --- great place to neck. She knows this is the route Vincent takes Catherine when he walks her to the threshold below her apartment. (looks at Vincent suspiciously)
SARAH -- Trying to keep the children from running wild since Mary is not being any help at all.
VINCENT: (smiling, takes Catherine's hand) May I lead you through the dark, Catherine?
CATHERINE: There is no darkness, Vincent, when you're with me.
VINCENT: (thinking) Maybe I won't need that dark tunnel after all........(strolls off down the tunnels hand in hand with his Catherine)
AND THEY ALL HAD A HAPPY LIFE!!!!!