Chapter 4

Catherine woke early the next morning; early for a Sunday anyway. She heard the 7AM breakfast announcement on the pipes just as she swung her feet out of bed. She was puzzling over a strange dream as she washed and dressed then walked up the corridor to Father’s study.

Vincent hadn't gone to bed. He'd stayed up and paced and written and finally dressed and headed to Father's chamber. When he had walked into Father’s study he’d found it empty and had to wake Father to speak to him. When Father joined him in the study, Vincent had just set a fresh pot of tea on the table.

"Father, why didn’t you tell me that Catherine is Below?" he asked, softly as he poured tea and offered Father a cup.

Father hadn’t expected this, and if he had, he would have expected anger, not this soft voice and the offer of a cup of tea.

"I’m sorry, son. I meant to." He seated himself in his usual chair as Vincent took the one across from him. "But yesterday morning, when you told me you were coming home, I was so excited that it just slipped my mind. She’s been here for a several months now and fits in so well, it’s like she’s always been here. Then later, I tried to tell you several times, but I could never get you alone. All your friends wanted to be with you. I knew that I would see you this morning; I just didn’t expect you quite so early," he squinted at his pocket watch. It wasn’t quite 6:00AM yet. "How did you find out?"

"Last night. I finished a journal entry, and I opened the Bond. I haven’t opened it completely in well over a year. I have kept it damped down to the point where I would only feel her if she was in danger. When I opened it, the feelings nearly knocked me over. She was so close! I couldn’t believe it and instinctively followed it to the chamber next to yours and found her there."

"Did you talk?" asked father.

"No, it was late and she was asleep. I will admit that I was so stunned that I entered her chamber uninvited and sat in a chair for quite some time just watching her sleep. She woke, or I thought she was awake at first. She smiled at me and called me by name and then went back to sleep. I don’t think she was completely awake and probably thought she was dreaming, if she remembers it at all."

"Is her being here going to be a problem?" asked Father. "Because I have to admit that she has become a much loved and valued member of our community and I don’t think anyone would be prepared to ask her to leave, even for you."

"No Father," Vincent held up his hand. "I wouldn’t dream of asking her to leave. But why is she here?"

"She is here because she needed our help. She has had a rough time of it the last few years. If I can get the sequence of events correct here…" Father went on to tell Vincent what he knew of what had happened. "At the time she came to us, she was living with friends. She asked for sanctuary and the council voted unanimously to grant it. She has been with us since mid-summer.

"Since she’s been here she has blossomed. She was thin and pale, with dark circles under her eyes when she arrived. Over the months she has gained a little weight, although I think she is still too thin, and in spite of living below ground, now has color in her face, she is sleeping better and the circles are nearly gone. She seems happy. Much happier than she was when she first came to me with her request."

"I sent her away, Father," Vincent admitted after a short hesitation.

"She told me." said Father. "Why did you send her away when you did and the way you did?"

"The only thing I can say in defense of my actions is that at the time, I was convinced I was doing the right thing; that it was for her own good. She came to me seeking comfort; she asked to come Below and live with me, but what kind of a future would she have living here Below with me? I couldn’t give her anything, where any man Above could give her so much more."

"But it’s obvious that is not what she wanted; no other man could give her what she really wanted," said Father.

"Yes, and I realize now that I had no right to make those decisions for her. I was wrong to send her away the way I did. She came to me for comfort and I turned her way." Vincent leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "She was willing to give up everything she had Above to be with me in my world and I repaid her by denying her any comfort she might have gained from us at a time when she really needed it."

"Your motives were good," Father assured him.

Vincent just shook his head and sipped his tea. And both men just sat quietly for a while.

"Father, there is something I need to tell you."

"Yes?"

"About while I was gone…I know we have always speculated about my origins. I’ve always had ideas, we both have, but there is no way to know and I am reconciled to that. I did come to one conclusion while I was on my own, however: regardless of the way I look, I am a man. I have the intelligence, the feelings, all the needs and wants of a man. It’s the soul that makes a human being. That part of me that I was always so frightened of, that you and I both tried so hard to keep buried, to control; Catherine always said that it is present in every man. It’s the part that protects and defends loved ones. I always tried so hard to keep it separate and buried, but once I accepted that part of myself it no longer threatened to take over. I haven’t had problems since six months or so after I left here."

"I think we have both learned a lot from this. It is probably good that it happened."

They were quiet and sipped their tea for a while, then Vincent smiled. "Are you going to breakfast, Father?" he asked.

"No, it’s still a little early for me. I think I’ll just have some tea and have one of the children bring me some of William’s muffins."

Vincent left the chamber and Father settled back in his chair to enjoy his tea. Vincent sent a fresh pot of tea and a basket of muffins back to him with one of the children. Both the tea and the muffins were still hot when Catherine arrived in Father’s chamber a short time later.

"Good morning, Father," said Catherine as she entered the chamber.

"Good morning, Catherine. There is fresh tea and muffins. Care to join me?"

Catherine accepted a cup of tea with a smile. "The muffins smell delicious!" She settled into a chair. "Did you get a chance to talk to Vincent?" she asked.

"Yes, he came in this morning and we talked."

"Is he OK with me being here?"

"Yes, he is. In fact, once he heard your story, he agreed that you belong here."

"Now all I have to get over is the first meeting. If I can make it through that without making a fool of myself, it will be a miracle."

"What do you mean by that, Catherine?"

"Father, I’m still in love with him. In spite of all that happened, I still love him. I know you don’t really approve of that. He may have gotten me out of his system, but I haven’t managed to do the same." She smiled weakly. "I’m a hopeless mess, I guess."

"Catherine, I don’t think that my approval is an issue here. That went by the wayside when I saw the lengths you went to when you helped rescue us from that cave-in in the maze. I was just frightened that the love was one sided like your Bond, and that you would tire of him and move on. But I think even this thick old head has been penetrated. He is lucky to have your love; he just needs to see that. My only admonition now would be to urge caution if you do ever work out your differences and proceed. I wouldn’t want to see you hurt in an unguarded moment and I know that it would devastate Vincent if something like that happened." He smiled and patted her hand, pretending not to notice the look of utter surprise on her face. "I wouldn’t call you a hopeless mess, my dear. You've managed quite well in spite of all your recent hardships, and I think you’ll continue to manage. Everything will work out, I’m sure. If you like, I could drop a few hints to Vincent."

"No, Father. Whatever happens, it needs to happen naturally. I’m sure he knows how I feel, or will if he opens the Bond. I knew when he shut it down. I could feel that much."

* * * * * * * * * *

Over the next few days, Vincent and Catherine managed to avoid each other without even trying. Father hadn’t put Vincent on any work crews due to his injury so he spent the time catching up with friends. He could be found in the kitchen with William or the sewing room with some of the women. He spent a whole morning with Rebecca helping her make candles.

It was Thursday before they finally wound up in the same place at the same time.

Catherine was in Father’s study with the master inventory notebook on the table between them when Vincent arrived. He was halfway down the metal stairs before he noticed that Father was not alone. He stopped and started to back up.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were busy. I’ll come back later."

"Vincent, don’t leave. Catherine has been helping me with a new inventory system. I think it will help immensely. Not only will we be able to tell what we have, what we need and where everything is, but we will be able to track what we used and when and see patterns."

Vincent walked over to the table and stood on the side opposite from Catherine. He nodded but his eyes slid away from hers. "Catherine." He acknowledged.

"Hello, Vincent. How have you been?" she asked.

"I’m well, and you?"

"Very well, thank you," the phrases were so very stilted and Catherine felt like she wanted to scream. "What do you think of the inventory system?"

He looked down at the pages and studied the figures for a few moments. "It should be very helpful," he said. "It looks pretty comprehensive. Are you going to maintain this?" he asked, looking at Catherine.

"I will until I get everyone in the habit of doing their own for their area," she told him. "Father and I agreed that we wouldn’t bother trying to inventory Mouse’s workshop. If we ever managed to get it all inventoried, it would be a never ending struggle to get him to maintain it." She felt like she was babbling.

Vincent actually chuckled at that. "I agree," he said. "Trying to get him clean is a struggle. I was just down there earlier this week. It looks like he has been collecting junk for decades! It is worse than it was the last time I saw it several years ago."

They shared a laugh over that. "I gave up on the clutter long ago," said Father. "We managed to get him to keep his sleeping chamber clean and take out the garbage, but the workshop is a lost cause."

Father looked from Vincent to Catherine and back to Vincent. "Well," he said, "dinner was announced a short time ago. Shall we?"

Many of their fellow tunnel dwellers noticed them as they walked to the dining chamber. Catherine was on Father’s left, he had offered his arm when they reached the corridor. Vincent was on his right, and they strolled at Father’s speed. Nearly everyone noticed when they entered the dining chamber; it was the first time anyone had seen Catherine and Vincent together since he had returned and they were drawing plenty of attention. The trio joined Mary at the small table where she and Father usually ate. Catherine made sure she sat on Mary’s right and not across from her; that way Vincent wouldn’t be forced to sit beside her, but could if he chose to. She was somewhat disappointed when he sat across the table from her.

Neither she nor Vincent spoke much during the meal. Mary and Father carried most of the conversation with them answering only when they were spoken to. Catherine looked up several times to find Vincent’s eyes on her. She smiled slightly and dropped her own eyes back to her plate.

After the meal, Catherine left with Mary to join the women who were working on a quilt.

"My dear," said Mary as they walked along the corridor. "You were very quiet during dinner."

"I’m just not very comfortable around Vincent at the moment," she admitted. "It’s been so long, and I want so badly to at least be friends; I’m afraid that I will say something or do something wrong. I keep remembering the way it was. I just couldn’t relax."

Mary put her arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "It will work out, I’m sure of it. You two are supposed to be together."

"Have you taken over Narcissa’s precognitive duties?" asked Catherine with a short laugh.

"No special abilities needed, Catherine. I’m just using my eyes and I saw the way he was looking at you. I’m sure his feelings haven’t changed; if anything they are stronger."

Catherine stopped and hugged the older woman.

After Mary and Catherine left the table, Father tapped Vincent on the arm with the crook of his cane as they rose to leave the dining chamber. "You were certainly quiet during dinner."

"I’m sorry, Father. I have a lot on my mind."

"You must have. Well, why don’t we go to the hospital chamber and let me take a look at that arm. Those stitches are probably ready to come out."

Over the next few weeks Catherine and Vincent met casually on many occasions, it was hard not to, but they were never at ease with each other. Even Father hesitated to mention Catherine in Vincent’s presence or Vincent to Catherine unless he absolutely had to. He had noticed that if he mentioned Vincent to Catherine, she would get a momentary look of pain on her face, and if he mentioned Catherine to Vincent, he would usually change the subject.

Finally Father decided that he had to do something about it. There had been a music recital in Father’s study, both Catherine and Vincent had attended, but had stayed on opposite sides of the chamber. Afterward, Catherine left hurriedly saying she had papers to grade and Vincent stayed behind to help move furniture back in place.

Before Vincent was done, Father spoke up.

"Vincent, you have to do something about this stalemate between you and Catherine. You are making everyone around you uncomfortable."

"I’m sorry, Father," answered Vincent as he moved a table. "I’ve never asked anyone not to speak of her in my presence, but everyone does seem a little hesitant to mention her name around me."

"Well, remembering your attitude five years ago before you left, I can hardly blame them," Father pointed out.

"Yes, you’re probably right. I was rather short with some people." He sat in the chair across the table from Father. "I thought I might speak to her."

"What about?"

"About us; if there is any chance of an us again. I never actually told her, in so many words, that I loved her, but I did; I still do. We can’t go on like this, just marching in place, going nowhere. I have to know, I think we both have to know, whether we are going to be lovers or just friends."

At the word "lovers" Father’s eyebrows went up, but he let it pass without a comment, although Vincent noticed his reaction. "What does the Bond tell you, Vincent? I assume that you’ve kept it open."

"Yes, but I keep it damped down most of the time, but with her so close it’s hard not to know how she feels. I think she’s learned how to mask some of her feelings. She did it very well when Paracelsus kidnapped her. I only have a good sense of her when we are close or when she is asleep. Most of what I am feeling from her is a confused mixture. She is uncomfortable when I’m around, and she feels guilty, which I don’t understand. When her guard is down, I still get feelings from her like I used to; feelings of love and warmth, but then they are usually quickly replaced by the discomfort or guilt and sometimes I feel that she is unsure; not as trusting as she once was. It is hard to say just what is happening."

"Then perhaps you should speak to her. If only for the comfort of everyone around you," said Father with a wry smile.

Vincent nodded agreement, "I think I will…Father…I noticed your reaction to the word I used."

"What word was that, Vincent?" asked Father, studying a scratch in the table top.

"Lovers."

"Well, yes…In what sense did you mean it?"

"In the sense that it is usually meant," said Vincent. "In whatever sense that Catherine will allow. I will continue to love her as I have, chastely; or I will love her as a man is meant to love a woman." There was a challenge in the tone of his voice and in the way he held his head and looked at Father.

"Are you sure, Vincent?" was all Father asked.

"Yes, I am. I told you that while I was away, I came to terms with that darker side of myself. A lot of that came from what I read. I don’t know if you noticed, but I read every psychology and psychiatry text you had in your library and when I finished with them, I sent word to Peter asking for more modern information. He started sending down the current issues of several magazines and also sent recently published papers and books. I learned a lot and accepted that other part of myself as just that, a part of myself. A part that I wasn’t especially fond of, that I didn’t like to admit to, but it is a part of me. We all have to learn to accept and control our darker side, not just bury it or push it away. We have to realize we have it, and learn not to let it take over."

"I’m sorry son. Most people start coming to terms with that part of themselves at about three or four years old, but I was always afraid that in you it came from some other place. That possibly your genetics made you predisposed to violence, so I told you that it was evil and that you must push it aside," said Father.

"You were right to tell me to be careful, especially as a child, when I was stronger that the boys who were several years older than me. With these built in weapons," he held up his hands, "I could have done a lot more damage than the few scratches I did inflict." He reached over and placed a hand over one of Father’s. "Father, I don’t blame you for anything. What you did was good. I have received an excellent education; you raised me with discipline, tempered with love. If I were ever to have children, I would hope that I could do as well, and I’ve tried to pass that on to the children here, who are within my realm of influence." He smiled then rose and went to hug Father. "Considering the other possibilities; I was extremely lucky that Anna found me and brought me here to you."

Father hugged Vincent back. "Maybe you should go talk to Catherine," he suggested thickly.

"Maybe I should," agreed Vincent, as he left the chamber.

After he left Father’s study, Vincent went to the kitchen and made a pot of tea and ‘found and took’ several blueberry muffins from the batch that William had made for the next morning’s breakfast. He wrapped them in a clean dishtowel to keep them warm. He carried all this back to Catherine’s chamber.

"Catherine, are you in?" he called.

The sound of his voice startled her as she was stacking the papers she’d just finished grading.

"Yes, Vincent. Come in," she straightened the papers and lay them on the stack of books on the corner of the large oak school table she’d found in a storeroom. When she started teaching, she’d needed something larger than the tiny desk she’d had in her apartment.

"I brought refreshments," he said, indicating the tray. "William had just finished making muffins."

Ooh! Blueberry? They smell yummy!" she stepped back and pulled her chair away from the table as Vincent set the tray down.

They were seated, Vincent in the upholstered arm chair and Catherine on her desk chair, when Catherine spoke.

"I know you aren’t here just to share your purloined muffins…" she started.

"You’re right Catherine," he smiled and dipped his head. He leaned forward, tea mug in his hands. "I need to talk to you about something."

"What?" she rested her arm on the table and played with the handle of her mug.

"Father says that we are making people uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable? How? Oh…" Catherine quickly got the picture. "We aren’t exactly comfortable around each other, so everyone else isn’t quite sure how to act around us."

"Something like that, but even if that wasn’t an issue, I would still be here…Catherine, I want us to be comfortable around each other. First I need to apologize for the way I acted. You needed comfort and all I could do was think of my own pain and like a fool I pushed you away. I should have been there for you through everything you’ve had to go through over the last few years; when your Father died, especially. That is what friends are supposed to do."

Catherine listened patiently staring at her knees, then she looked up at him. "Just friends, Vincent?"

He looked up from studying his mug. "I’d like to be friends again; spend time together. We have to start somewhere," he said with a slight shrug.

"I suppose we do, and I’m not sure that I could just jump back into the way things were. I was in so much pain and I wanted so badly to come Below and be with you. I thought you would welcome me with open arms, but after that last time you wouldn’t even see me; wouldn’t even let me argue my case…" she took a deep breath and caught back a sob that threatened. "After I finally gave up trying to get Below, or contact someone here, I waited outside the culvert in the park or watched from my balcony nearly every night for months, waiting for you to come out, and you never did."

"I know, Catherine. I saw you. I was watching from the shadows to make sure that you were not in danger…Can you ever forgive me?"

"I’ve already done that, Vincent. Forgiveness is easy, but I’m not sure that I’ll ever truly be able to trust you like I did."

Vincent’s head came up and he was shocked at what she had said. "Catherine…"

"No, I know that if I was in danger, you’d be there, and you would defend me with your life, but it’s my feelings, my love that I’m not sure that I want to trust anyone with now." She sat back in her chair and sighed. "Many people I thought I could trust have failed me in the last few years. The bruises are deep. Even Daddy, when he died I found out that he had been keeping his reduced financial circumstances from me. I trusted you more than anyone else in my life, except maybe my father, and you pushed me away. It didn’t help that you said it was for my own good, those were my father's reasons, too. That just made me feel as if you, both of you, thought I was a child who was incapable of making my own decisions…I love you and I’ll be your friend, Vincent, but if it is to go any further than that, then I’m going to have to learn to trust you again; and I honestly don’t know if that is possible." She looked as if what she’d said had pained her as much as it did Vincent.

"I can understand that, Catherine, and I don’t deserve your trust right now, but as you've said in the past: I deserve a chance, we deserve a chance."

She looked up at him with a weak smile, "I can do that; just be patient with me Vincent."

Vincent rose and stepped over to her chair where he pulled her to her feet and into his arms. "Thank you, Catherine. All I ask is a chance…" he held her for a few more moments. "I’ve dreamed of holding you again, Catherine," he whispered.

Catherine was surprised first by his actions and then by how quickly she relaxed into his embrace. All that talk about trust and here she was, snuggled into his arms feeling as safe and secure as she ever had there. Her arms went around his waist and she hugged him back.

He held her a few minutes before he let her go and turned to pick up the tray.

At the door he turned "The older children have been working on a play to be presented the week between Winterfest and Christmas. Would you like to help us?"

"Yes, I would. It sounds like fun. What are they doing?"

"Taming of the Shrew," came the answer accompanied by a wry smile. "Good morrow, Kate; for that's your name, I hear."

"Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing: They call me Katharina that do talk of me," She answered with only a slight hesitation.

"You lie, in faith; for you are call'd plain Kate, And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst;
But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom, Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,
For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate, Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;
Hearing thy mildness praised in every town, Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,
Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs, Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife," he quoted.

"Moved! in good time: let him that moved you hither. Remove you hence: I knew you at the first
You were a moveable."

Vincent laughed. "You know it?"

"Yes, I understudied the part of Kate when I was at Radcliffe. I’m surprised that I still remember it. It is probably a good thing you didn’t continue, because I don’t think I remember what comes next. When is the next rehearsal?"

"Right now we are just doing read-throughs, to make sure everyone has their lines, and the next one is tomorrow evening after dinner, in my chamber."

"I will be there," she said with a smile.

"I look forward to it."

Catherine was busy all day the next day. She had her classes in the morning and she was helping Rebecca get a head start on the Winterfest candles in the afternoon. She was making the plain white candles that would later be dipped in the yellow and orange wax that gave them their distinctive look. It was hot work, and she was hoping that she’d get away soon enough to bathe before dinner.

"I think that will do for today," Rebecca finally said. "You’ve been a great help, Catherine. Making the Winterfest candles always doubles the work this time of year."

"Why don’t you recruit more help?" asked Catherine.

"When working with hot wax, more than two or three people can actually be dangerous. I’ve got scars to prove it. When I start dipping these in color a couple weeks before Winterfest, I will have more help, but each of us will be working separated from the others with our own dipping cans. It is much safer that way."

They continued their chat as they left the candle chamber and headed for their own chambers. Catherine went to bathe and change before dinner. As she left the serving line, Vincent looked up, caught her eye and waved her over to the table he shared with Father and Mary. The only seat that was vacant was the one next to Vincent, she took it without hesitation.

"What is your will, sir, that you send for me?" she quoted as she sat down.

Without missing a beat, Vincent answered. "Where is your sister, and Hortensio's wife?"

"They sit conferring by the parlor fire," she answered and they both laughed.

At Mary’s questioning look, Vincent explained, "The older children are working on a presentation of ‘Taming of the Shrew’ for the week after Winterfest. Catherine has agreed to help us.

"Are either of you taking parts?" asked Father. "You obviously already know the lines."

"You would make a wonderful Petruchio," commented Mary, "but I don’t think Catherine is quite shrill or shrewish enough to be Kate."

Catherine laughed. "That was what the director said when I tried out for the part in college, but he did let me understudy."

"You took drama in college, when you were planning to go to law school?" asked Father.

"A lot of future lawyers do. It helps if you are planning to do trial work. You learn to be at ease in front of an audience, how to speak to the jury, even timing. I found it very helpful and it was fun."

"Ah, but Shakespeare didn’t appear to like lawyers," commented Father.

"I know, I think one of the characters in Henry VI said, ‘The first thing we do, is kill all the lawyers.’’" she quoted.

"He made some pretty pointed comments in several plays, including Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet. He was not fond of lawyers," said Vincent.

"Well," said Catherine taking a bite of her mashed potatoes, "regardless, I still love Shakespeare."

The conversation went on like that through the meal, and it was very pleasant. Much more so than other meals the four of them had shared in the past weeks. Afterward they all walked back to Vincent’s camber where they found several of the cast members already gathered. While Vincent and Catherine sorted through the books containing the play, making sure there were enough to go around, Mary volunteered to help with costumes, and Father said he’d help if they needed him.

The children seemed a little surprised to see Catherine at first, but that didn’t last long. Samantha and Ellie, especially were thrilled to see Catherine and Vincent working together on a friendly basis.

The read through of the play went well and every one was fairly confident that they could have everything done by the week after Winterfest. They just had to get Father to let them know what day they could present it.

Catherine was helping Vincent straighten up his chamber after the children left. "Ellie surprised me. She is a good actress," she commented as she wiped cookie crumbs off the table and dumped them into the trash can.

"And Nicholas was really getting into the part of Petruchio. This is going to be a very good production; one of the better ones, I think."

"I agree," said Catherine. "Thank you for asking me to help out. It will be fun."

"And it will give us an opportunity to get to know each other again," added Vincent.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Yes it will; and on that note, I think I will leave. It is past my bedtime."

"But the 10PM sentry check in just went out a few minutes ago," Vincent pointed out.

"Ah, but since I’ve moved below, I adapted pretty quickly to the schedule down here. I’m up every morning by 6AM and by this time of night I’m usually ready for sleep. Good night Vincent," she brushed his hand as she passed him. "Let me know when the rehearsals are scheduled and I’ll be here."

The next few weeks went smoothly. Everyone Below was getting used to seeing Catherine and Vincent together again. A few of the women even asked Catherine if the romance was back on. She smiled and said that they were starting slow and would see what developed.